Hey guys..
It's been a while..
I've wanted to write, but I haven't been moved to write in a while. I can't quite put into words everything that I've been experiencing with God. This journey with God is awesome. So, just let this be a postcard from my journey. I hope you are enjoying your own personal journey with Jesus. Check out this video and be blessed.
The Biggest Lie in Your Life
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Everything means EVERYTHING
This has definitely been a week of journeying. It included some back tracking, some back sliding and some getting back on track. As the week began I was feeling pretty good about the journey. It had been nearly 40 days and I was feeling delivered from some of the sins that I had struggled with for so long. And then I fell. I found myself right back in the very pit that I had just climbed out of. I felt horrible.
And therein lies part of the problem. I felt.
I'd been gaging my growth on how I felt. If I felt empowered then I thought I was doing well. I hadn't surrendered anything to God. I had simply decided to refrain from certain activities. Yes, I've been praying more and in my Word and listening to sermons. But it's been a journey of convenience still. Transformation requires surrender. Surrendering everything. My identity, relationships, dreams, hopes, desires, opinions, EVERYTHING. I Peter 5:6-11 says:
5And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful.
6And he said unto me, It is done. I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give unto him that is athirst of the fountain of the water of life freely.
7He that overcometh shall inherit all things; and I will be his God, and he shall be my son.
8But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.
God's desire isn't to make us feel better, but to make us new. And that newness isn't limited to just us but EVERYTHING that concerns us. Psalm 138:8 says:
8 The LORD will perfect that which concerns me;
Your mercy, O LORD, endures forever;
Do not forsake the works of Your hands.
The initial process of surrendering everything to God isn't going to feel good. [please note that this message is for me as much as it is for you.] Praying and reading the Word and going to church are part of it. But that's like the strength training and conditioning; yes, it will strengthen and empower you to take action, but you still have to do something. You still have to surrender and submit. Personally, as I reflect I think I somehow got the idea that by praying and reading the Word and being in church and fasting I could somehow change myself or handle my burdens. I thought that these practices had given me some super human abilities to do what only God can do. When in actuality it's praying, reading the Word, fellowshipping with others at church, engaging in praise and worship, and fasting.. these practices, develop the fortitude within you to complete the assignment of submitting to the will of God. These practices do not make us God, but it builds up our spirit so that we are empowered to exercise our faith and trust God with everything.
And therein lies part of the problem. I felt.
I'd been gaging my growth on how I felt. If I felt empowered then I thought I was doing well. I hadn't surrendered anything to God. I had simply decided to refrain from certain activities. Yes, I've been praying more and in my Word and listening to sermons. But it's been a journey of convenience still. Transformation requires surrender. Surrendering everything. My identity, relationships, dreams, hopes, desires, opinions, EVERYTHING. I Peter 5:6-11 says:
6Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time:
7Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.
8Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:
9Whom resist stedfast in the faith, knowing that the same afflictions are accomplished in your brethren that are in the world.
10But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you.
11To him be glory and dominion for ever and ever. Amen.
I was too proud to give it all to God. To "cast all my cares upon Him." The process of humbling yourself requires that you take off your superman/superwoman cape and put everything that you've been carrying in the capable hands of God. It's a process of submitting to God. He wants everything. He wants to exalt (raise) us up, but not with us clinging to things that will weigh us down, or cause us to fall. Anything that we have to sustain on our own will cause us to fall. If we can't trust God to sustain our identity or a relationship or career or dream, then sooner or later the burden of trying to sustain it on our own will cause us to fall. And when we fall, our adversary the devil is waiting to pounce on and devour us.
The awesome thing about God is that He is more than able to sift through those things that we are trying to sustain and balance our load. Somethings we were never meant to carry others are expired and others we have simply mis-prioritized and the weight distribution is causing us to stumble and fall. But He know exactly what we should be carrying and how we should carry it. And He can sustain us and everything that He has placed in our lives for us to carry. But first we have to give Him everything so that He can fix our load and renew us. Revelations 21:4-8 says:
4And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.
5And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful.
6And he said unto me, It is done. I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give unto him that is athirst of the fountain of the water of life freely.
7He that overcometh shall inherit all things; and I will be his God, and he shall be my son.
8But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.
God's desire isn't to make us feel better, but to make us new. And that newness isn't limited to just us but EVERYTHING that concerns us. Psalm 138:8 says:
8 The LORD will perfect that which concerns me;
Your mercy, O LORD, endures forever;
Do not forsake the works of Your hands.
The initial process of surrendering everything to God isn't going to feel good. [please note that this message is for me as much as it is for you.] Praying and reading the Word and going to church are part of it. But that's like the strength training and conditioning; yes, it will strengthen and empower you to take action, but you still have to do something. You still have to surrender and submit. Personally, as I reflect I think I somehow got the idea that by praying and reading the Word and being in church and fasting I could somehow change myself or handle my burdens. I thought that these practices had given me some super human abilities to do what only God can do. When in actuality it's praying, reading the Word, fellowshipping with others at church, engaging in praise and worship, and fasting.. these practices, develop the fortitude within you to complete the assignment of submitting to the will of God. These practices do not make us God, but it builds up our spirit so that we are empowered to exercise our faith and trust God with everything.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
I wasn't expecting this
Have you ever started out on a trip somewhere and become utterly surprised along the way? Perhaps you had printed out mapquest directions or put the address in your gps, had your oil changed, checked your tires, you've told everyone when you'll be arriving and made plans for once you get there. You got on your way and then a few hours into your drive the unexpected occurs. It could be a flat tire, car trouble, you left your wallet at the last gas stop and didn't realize it until you were trying to fill up again, sunny skies turn gray and you can't see more than a 2 feet ahead of you, there's a horrible accident that ties up traffic for 3 hours, you're in the horrible accident, there's road work, the road is closed and you have to detour, you get the point. Well, I'm not sure why I was expecting this spiritual journey to be as predictable as a run to the grocery store.
Today is day 34 and I've encountered all of those issues and then some. Where shall I start...
I was just reading over my earlier posts and everyday that I don't post I'm tempted to feel condemned because in my first post I made the statement that I'd post everyday for the first 40 days. Now ain't that just like the devil to try to make you feel about something you're doing for God? Craziness. All God said was seek me and be transparent. It's a trick of satan to try and turn your spiritual transformation and relationship with God into some legalistic exercise. And it was slipping in on my journey. Which brings me to another point- motive, but we'll come back to that later.
If you're anything like me, you may be a little impetuous. You hear the first part of instructions, get excited and move forward full steam ahead without making sure you've heard everything or understood properly. My antsy-ness has often been to my detriment. When God started speaking to me about a month ago about seriously submitting to His process to unleaven my life, I heard part of what He said and I mixed it with part of what I thought sounded good. But trust, God isn't going to tell you the entire travel plan at once and send you on your way alone. As He says in Habukkuk 2:2-3, God gives us a vision of the destination. The vision is to encourage us while we're on the journey. I've been guilty of misusing the vision; rather than referring to it as a promise that God has waiting for me as a result of obeying Him, at times I've taken the vision and told God, thanks for the great idea, but I think I know a better way to get there. And so, then I set off trying to chart my own course to a destination that He has showed me. The problem is that apart from following His direction every step of the way, not only will I not arrive at the destination, but the destination may not even come into existence. There could be something in the instructions that He plans on laying before me that will trigger the vision to be built, but if I'm assuming that it already exists and that I know how to get there. I'm way off and will never get to what He has in store.
I started out on this journey expecting that I could "do this" that it was all a matter of simply decided to make the right choices. But what I've found out it is I can't do anything, including making the right choices, without first being led by God for the entire journey. It's easy to become more motivated by attaining the vision or promise than loving God. I've been guilty of doing so. How do I know? because I'd do anything except obey Him to obtain the vision. I did things my way. Just like disobeying the rules of the road and detour signs can delay your arrival to a destination, dismissing the importance of obeying God will delay your arrival to the promise that God has for us.
Today is day 34 and I've encountered all of those issues and then some. Where shall I start...
I was just reading over my earlier posts and everyday that I don't post I'm tempted to feel condemned because in my first post I made the statement that I'd post everyday for the first 40 days. Now ain't that just like the devil to try to make you feel about something you're doing for God? Craziness. All God said was seek me and be transparent. It's a trick of satan to try and turn your spiritual transformation and relationship with God into some legalistic exercise. And it was slipping in on my journey. Which brings me to another point- motive, but we'll come back to that later.
If you're anything like me, you may be a little impetuous. You hear the first part of instructions, get excited and move forward full steam ahead without making sure you've heard everything or understood properly. My antsy-ness has often been to my detriment. When God started speaking to me about a month ago about seriously submitting to His process to unleaven my life, I heard part of what He said and I mixed it with part of what I thought sounded good. But trust, God isn't going to tell you the entire travel plan at once and send you on your way alone. As He says in Habukkuk 2:2-3, God gives us a vision of the destination. The vision is to encourage us while we're on the journey. I've been guilty of misusing the vision; rather than referring to it as a promise that God has waiting for me as a result of obeying Him, at times I've taken the vision and told God, thanks for the great idea, but I think I know a better way to get there. And so, then I set off trying to chart my own course to a destination that He has showed me. The problem is that apart from following His direction every step of the way, not only will I not arrive at the destination, but the destination may not even come into existence. There could be something in the instructions that He plans on laying before me that will trigger the vision to be built, but if I'm assuming that it already exists and that I know how to get there. I'm way off and will never get to what He has in store.
I started out on this journey expecting that I could "do this" that it was all a matter of simply decided to make the right choices. But what I've found out it is I can't do anything, including making the right choices, without first being led by God for the entire journey. It's easy to become more motivated by attaining the vision or promise than loving God. I've been guilty of doing so. How do I know? because I'd do anything except obey Him to obtain the vision. I did things my way. Just like disobeying the rules of the road and detour signs can delay your arrival to a destination, dismissing the importance of obeying God will delay your arrival to the promise that God has for us.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Rise, Shine and Win!
In sports there's nothing like getting a W to motivate you keep training for the next game. Well, your spiritual walk is the same. When you overcome in area that has in the past been a stronghold, it propels you to move forward and keep up the winning streak.
Today has been that kind of day for me. It started with not hitting snooze for an hour. I actually got up and got my day started as planned. I got in a great workout and got to hear a great message on tv while at the gym. I even had time to make breakfast and get to work on time. Most days I end up oversleeping and sometimes being as much as an hour late for work. And even though I slept late on those days, I would still sputter through the day feeling tired and making poor food choices because I didn't take the time to plan properly. Today, by contrast, I've had more energy than I've had in weeks. It was the win that I needed to motivate me to keep practicing and getting more wins in this area. Ironically, the message this morning on Kenneth Copeland's show was on nutrition and fitness and how as believers we have to be good stewards of our bodies. It's easy to think that the body is just superficial and believe that God is only concerned with our spirit. But we have to remember he put us here to work; actual real physical work. And we need to be in shape and fit to do all that He has called us to do. We're His tools, we've got to be in top working order.
This early morning victory over slothfulness, propelled me to more spiritual victories today. Because my mind was alert and had received the Word early this morning, it was ready for battle when the enemy came at me with a barrage of negative thoughts. I never realized how important being mentally alert is when it comes to battling these attacks. Imagine that you're half sleep or just woke up and someone comes up at punches you. Because of your drowsy state, you'd be totally caught off guard and knocked out. Well, that's how I've been spending so much time. In a drowsy stooper. And when satan would through negative thoughts my way, I'd get knocked out by them because I wasn't alert enough to fight back.
There are so many scriptures in the Bible that tells us to remain alert so that we don't fall into satan's traps, or miss God. In Matthew 13, Jesus talks about staying up and watchful because you don't know when He will return. I'm convinced that you can't be spiritually alert if your physically lethargic. You can be physically at rest and spiritually alert. But to be tired and drowsy your mind is no longer focused on anything spiritual your only thinking about meeting your need for rest. When we're alert we won't be caught off guard, we're ready to use the Word to fight satan rather than getting sucker punched.
Well, I've gotta get my rest, so I can rise, shine and WIN again tomorrow!
Today has been that kind of day for me. It started with not hitting snooze for an hour. I actually got up and got my day started as planned. I got in a great workout and got to hear a great message on tv while at the gym. I even had time to make breakfast and get to work on time. Most days I end up oversleeping and sometimes being as much as an hour late for work. And even though I slept late on those days, I would still sputter through the day feeling tired and making poor food choices because I didn't take the time to plan properly. Today, by contrast, I've had more energy than I've had in weeks. It was the win that I needed to motivate me to keep practicing and getting more wins in this area. Ironically, the message this morning on Kenneth Copeland's show was on nutrition and fitness and how as believers we have to be good stewards of our bodies. It's easy to think that the body is just superficial and believe that God is only concerned with our spirit. But we have to remember he put us here to work; actual real physical work. And we need to be in shape and fit to do all that He has called us to do. We're His tools, we've got to be in top working order.
This early morning victory over slothfulness, propelled me to more spiritual victories today. Because my mind was alert and had received the Word early this morning, it was ready for battle when the enemy came at me with a barrage of negative thoughts. I never realized how important being mentally alert is when it comes to battling these attacks. Imagine that you're half sleep or just woke up and someone comes up at punches you. Because of your drowsy state, you'd be totally caught off guard and knocked out. Well, that's how I've been spending so much time. In a drowsy stooper. And when satan would through negative thoughts my way, I'd get knocked out by them because I wasn't alert enough to fight back.
There are so many scriptures in the Bible that tells us to remain alert so that we don't fall into satan's traps, or miss God. In Matthew 13, Jesus talks about staying up and watchful because you don't know when He will return. I'm convinced that you can't be spiritually alert if your physically lethargic. You can be physically at rest and spiritually alert. But to be tired and drowsy your mind is no longer focused on anything spiritual your only thinking about meeting your need for rest. When we're alert we won't be caught off guard, we're ready to use the Word to fight satan rather than getting sucker punched.
Well, I've gotta get my rest, so I can rise, shine and WIN again tomorrow!
Friday, February 25, 2011
keeping P.A.C.E.
I've definitely slipped in my posting. It's been hard to get anything done after class this week. At any rate, here I am with a thought.
A few years back someone told me this acronym: PACE, meaning proper application concentrated effort. Last summer, when I was training for a marathon, I learned a lot about pacing. On a long run, setting the right pace makes all the difference in the world. If you start out going to fast, you'll burn yourself out early. If you go to slowly you don't develop or improve. The key is to find a pace that pushes you and every week turn it up just a notch.
Well, this journey is no different. It's not sprint; I'm set to go the distance. It's so tempting when you decide to go on this journey to want to develop a legalistic regimen of praying for an hour a day and reading a book of the Bible per week, or fasting for x number of days. There's nothing wrong with any of those things. But what I'm learning is there is a difference between being spiritual and being spirit-led.
Being spiritual is at the heart of hypocrisy. It's about putting on a "form of Godliness", doing all the "Christian" things, but when you find yourself just doing things because they seem like they fall in the "what Christians should be doing list", then more than likely you're just being spiritual. When missing something on your list makes you feel like you've let yourself down, then there's a chance that you're not being spirit-led, but being spiritual. Being spiritual, you find yourself telling God what you're going to do and prayer is just your opportunity to fill him in on what's going on.
Being spirit-led is about a relationship with God. It's communication. To be spirit-led you have to quiet yourself and spend time in the presence of God with no agenda, but allow Him to give you an agenda. It's intently listening to God and the leading of Holy Spirit. It's unhurried; it's a walk with your closest friend and most trusted advisor.
It's definitely important to set aside time for prayer and studying your Bible, but what we have to be careful of is how we spend that time. Don't just make it a checklist item, but make each appointment with God significant; be excited about spending time with the King. Also, we can't get to the point where we confine our time with God to a certain block on our calendars, but we must allow God to freely flow through and infiltrate every moment of our day.
I've found myself slipping into a checklist relationship with God. I'm learning to just rest in Him and let Him set the pace for the journey. The only way I can keep the pace is to be spirit-led, rather than rushing around being spiritual.
A few years back someone told me this acronym: PACE, meaning proper application concentrated effort. Last summer, when I was training for a marathon, I learned a lot about pacing. On a long run, setting the right pace makes all the difference in the world. If you start out going to fast, you'll burn yourself out early. If you go to slowly you don't develop or improve. The key is to find a pace that pushes you and every week turn it up just a notch.
Well, this journey is no different. It's not sprint; I'm set to go the distance. It's so tempting when you decide to go on this journey to want to develop a legalistic regimen of praying for an hour a day and reading a book of the Bible per week, or fasting for x number of days. There's nothing wrong with any of those things. But what I'm learning is there is a difference between being spiritual and being spirit-led.
Being spiritual is at the heart of hypocrisy. It's about putting on a "form of Godliness", doing all the "Christian" things, but when you find yourself just doing things because they seem like they fall in the "what Christians should be doing list", then more than likely you're just being spiritual. When missing something on your list makes you feel like you've let yourself down, then there's a chance that you're not being spirit-led, but being spiritual. Being spiritual, you find yourself telling God what you're going to do and prayer is just your opportunity to fill him in on what's going on.
Being spirit-led is about a relationship with God. It's communication. To be spirit-led you have to quiet yourself and spend time in the presence of God with no agenda, but allow Him to give you an agenda. It's intently listening to God and the leading of Holy Spirit. It's unhurried; it's a walk with your closest friend and most trusted advisor.
It's definitely important to set aside time for prayer and studying your Bible, but what we have to be careful of is how we spend that time. Don't just make it a checklist item, but make each appointment with God significant; be excited about spending time with the King. Also, we can't get to the point where we confine our time with God to a certain block on our calendars, but we must allow God to freely flow through and infiltrate every moment of our day.
I've found myself slipping into a checklist relationship with God. I'm learning to just rest in Him and let Him set the pace for the journey. The only way I can keep the pace is to be spirit-led, rather than rushing around being spiritual.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
a lesson in patience
Wowzers! It's been several days.
Sometimes it seems unbelievable how quickly time passes. Here we are already at the end of February. This weekend I went to the Worth the Wait Revolution Gala. The theme was "The Elegance of Purity", one of the things that all of the panelists echoed was the importance of waiting on God's timing and being content and patient. Like so many of us, I'm impatient and want everything now. When I began this journey 23 days ago, I wanted to have resolved all of my issues in 40 days. It seems like I haven't even identified all of my issues yet, let alone solve them...lol. I can say, God has revealed many of them to me and certain mistakes and temptations I have avoided repeating to God be the glory, but there are still many that I have to get in check.
Now, don't get me wrong, I know that spiritually we are free the moment we receive Jesus, but it takes a bit longer to get the soul (which is our mind, will and emotions) and body to get in line with the spirit. That is the process. Obedience to God certainly helps us along in this process, but nonetheless, even learning to consistently obey the voice of God is a process. You have to train yourself to do it. So, as I take this journey I'm realizing that this journey requires patience. In 1st Corinthians chapter 13, the love chapter, the first characteristic of love is that it is patient.
In Matthew 22:37-40, when asked what the greatest commandment is Jesus replied as follows:
“‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” So, if the greatest commandments involve loving God, others and yourself, and the first characteristic mentioned about love is patience. Then, what does that infer about the importance of being patient with God, others and yourself?
To me it says, that God knew exactly how impatient we had the potential to be. He knew that we would want to rush Him and His plan for our lives, that we would lose patience with our neighbors, and that we would not even be patient enough with ourselves to allow our minds to be renewed in Him and train our soul to love the way He has commanded. So, He defines love with patience first because He knew if we were ever to truly understand love, we have to understand patience. Think about how God expresses His love for us through patience. Not that our delayed obedience and disobedience is without consequence, but He never forces anything upon us, He patiently lets us make the choice and when we make the wrong choice, God is still there patiently waiting for us to repent and do things His way.
So, wherever you are on your journey remember to just keep focusing on Jesus and walking with Him and you'll stop being concerned with timing and losing patience and will find yourself in God's perfect timing and plan for you.
Sometimes it seems unbelievable how quickly time passes. Here we are already at the end of February. This weekend I went to the Worth the Wait Revolution Gala. The theme was "The Elegance of Purity", one of the things that all of the panelists echoed was the importance of waiting on God's timing and being content and patient. Like so many of us, I'm impatient and want everything now. When I began this journey 23 days ago, I wanted to have resolved all of my issues in 40 days. It seems like I haven't even identified all of my issues yet, let alone solve them...lol. I can say, God has revealed many of them to me and certain mistakes and temptations I have avoided repeating to God be the glory, but there are still many that I have to get in check.
Now, don't get me wrong, I know that spiritually we are free the moment we receive Jesus, but it takes a bit longer to get the soul (which is our mind, will and emotions) and body to get in line with the spirit. That is the process. Obedience to God certainly helps us along in this process, but nonetheless, even learning to consistently obey the voice of God is a process. You have to train yourself to do it. So, as I take this journey I'm realizing that this journey requires patience. In 1st Corinthians chapter 13, the love chapter, the first characteristic of love is that it is patient.
In Matthew 22:37-40, when asked what the greatest commandment is Jesus replied as follows:
“‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” So, if the greatest commandments involve loving God, others and yourself, and the first characteristic mentioned about love is patience. Then, what does that infer about the importance of being patient with God, others and yourself?
To me it says, that God knew exactly how impatient we had the potential to be. He knew that we would want to rush Him and His plan for our lives, that we would lose patience with our neighbors, and that we would not even be patient enough with ourselves to allow our minds to be renewed in Him and train our soul to love the way He has commanded. So, He defines love with patience first because He knew if we were ever to truly understand love, we have to understand patience. Think about how God expresses His love for us through patience. Not that our delayed obedience and disobedience is without consequence, but He never forces anything upon us, He patiently lets us make the choice and when we make the wrong choice, God is still there patiently waiting for us to repent and do things His way.
So, wherever you are on your journey remember to just keep focusing on Jesus and walking with Him and you'll stop being concerned with timing and losing patience and will find yourself in God's perfect timing and plan for you.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
trust...part 2
Right now, I'm dealing with a situation that is requiring me to trust God completely. Moment by moment I'm having to fight negative thoughts that satan throws in order to make me question God. I'll be honest, it's not easy; mentally, physically and spiritually I'm exhausted. The only way I'm getting through is by depending on God. 2nd Corinthians 12:9-10 says God's strength is made perfect in my weakness.
Today my heart is heavy and it's only by trusting that God is who He says He is and He will do what He says He'll do that keeps me from giving up. I'm learning what it really means to trust God. It means that He has to be #1 in my life. To put anyone else or thing ahead of Him would mean not being able to trust Him completely.
I thank God in advance for the grace to make it through this test and the testimony that will result.
Today my heart is heavy and it's only by trusting that God is who He says He is and He will do what He says He'll do that keeps me from giving up. I'm learning what it really means to trust God. It means that He has to be #1 in my life. To put anyone else or thing ahead of Him would mean not being able to trust Him completely.
I thank God in advance for the grace to make it through this test and the testimony that will result.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Trust..part 1
Lately God has been dealing with me on trust. More specifically, my lack of consistent trust in Him. Here are a few observations regarding trust and God:
1) God wants to have a relationship with us
2) As with anyone else who wants a relationship with us, He wants us to trust Him
3) It's difficult to believe someone that you don't trust
4) God has not and cannot violate His trustworthiness, even if we are not trustworthy
Have you ever been telling someone something and you can sense they're hesitant to believe what you're saying. You know that you are telling them the absolute truth, but for whatever reason they don't trust what you are saying. It's a very frustrating experience. You think "what reason do I have to lie to this person. Check for yourself. This is the truth. Trust me." The fact is, when someone questions us like this it feels like a direct attack on our character. Thankfully, God doesn't have any identity issues like we do. He tells us to trust Him.
I looked up the definition of trust and here are a some definitions:
1) God wants to have a relationship with us
2) As with anyone else who wants a relationship with us, He wants us to trust Him
3) It's difficult to believe someone that you don't trust
4) God has not and cannot violate His trustworthiness, even if we are not trustworthy
Have you ever been telling someone something and you can sense they're hesitant to believe what you're saying. You know that you are telling them the absolute truth, but for whatever reason they don't trust what you are saying. It's a very frustrating experience. You think "what reason do I have to lie to this person. Check for yourself. This is the truth. Trust me." The fact is, when someone questions us like this it feels like a direct attack on our character. Thankfully, God doesn't have any identity issues like we do. He tells us to trust Him.
I looked up the definition of trust and here are a some definitions:
- Firm reliance on the integrity or ability of a person or thing
- To expect with assurance; assume
- To believe
On the 17 days of this journey so far, I have found myself questioning God on more than one occasion. Rather than just trusting what He's said.
It's funny how it seems like everyday, I'm finding yet another area that needs improvement. But I'm going to look at it this way: "The Lord perfect those things that concern me." Psalm 138:8. I'm far from perfect, but I'm in the hands of a perfect God and as I make the choice to trust Him moment by moment, He will perfect my imperfections.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
another day, another step along the journey
I don't have much to write about today...
Something I'm learning is that there's nothing I can accomplish for God in my own strength. Everything from the way I speak to others.. to choices that I make. In order for anything to be pleasing to Him, I must rely on God, not me to accomplish it. I broke my fast again today, and God revealed to me that I was trying to sustain myself with myself, rather than focusing on His ability to sustain me through temptations.
This is definitely a journey and right now I'm just thankful for His love and grace to continue on it. Just remember: God will never give up on you, so don't you give up on you either.
Monday, February 14, 2011
day 15
Today was Valentine's day, usually a day I dread. One of my friend's used to refer to it as singleness awareness day. I'm still single, but I made the choice not to dread the day and feel sorry for myself.
Today I learned that it truly is more blessed to give. A couple weeks ago I ordered flowers, bears and candy to be delivered to my mom, my sisters and my teenage mentee today. As the calls and texts came in saying how surprised they were, it warmed my heart to know that I had been able to lift someone's spirits today. I also gave a small bear and box of chocolates to the admin for my department because she's a super sweet lady and has truly been a blessing by doing such an outstanding job. She almost brought me to tears when I gave it to her and she said it was the first time in her life anyone had ever given her a heart shaped box of chocolates.
Now, all of this isn't to say that I didn't have to fight thoughts and feelings of loneliness and hoping that somewhere there was a UPS or FEDEX guy that had a package with my name on it. But there wasn't, and that's okay. Knowing that I put smiles on five faces today and shared God's love with others is enough. It's hard to have a pity party when you're focused on loving others.
Today I learned that it truly is more blessed to give. A couple weeks ago I ordered flowers, bears and candy to be delivered to my mom, my sisters and my teenage mentee today. As the calls and texts came in saying how surprised they were, it warmed my heart to know that I had been able to lift someone's spirits today. I also gave a small bear and box of chocolates to the admin for my department because she's a super sweet lady and has truly been a blessing by doing such an outstanding job. She almost brought me to tears when I gave it to her and she said it was the first time in her life anyone had ever given her a heart shaped box of chocolates.
Now, all of this isn't to say that I didn't have to fight thoughts and feelings of loneliness and hoping that somewhere there was a UPS or FEDEX guy that had a package with my name on it. But there wasn't, and that's okay. Knowing that I put smiles on five faces today and shared God's love with others is enough. It's hard to have a pity party when you're focused on loving others.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
serenity prayer remix
So, I'm a few days delinquent in posting.. it's been a busy weekend.
First of all, praise God, I got all my cleaning done. I didn't get finished on Friday night as planned, but I got started Friday night and finished on Saturday. I even got my car detailed; yay, no more french fries between the seats and crumbs everywhere!
Something I've been learning lately, is that trying to change another person is a vain pursuit. The only person I'm capable of changing is me! I think about how much time and breath I've wasted trying to convince people to come in line with the way I think they should act, think and behave. God never called me to change anybody. He did call me to influence people, but that influence is achieved by being a living example, sharing my faith, praying for others, and trusting God to make the change.
Being an example
Hypocrisy is probably the biggest hindrance to being an example. If I'm professing to be a Christian, my life may be the only Bible some people ever see, so if I'm living as a hypocrite that's what I'm discipling them to become. I'm also discrediting the entire faith. Before I ever open my mouth to someone, they should see the fruit and see the consistency of my lifestyle. The Gospel has to be lived to be shared.
Sharing my faith
Doesn't mean arguing with someone on why they should believe and getting hostile with them. It's just like sharing food. If I had some cookies, I'd offer them to others; some people might accept them, some my ask more about them, others may down right turn them down. But there's no case where I force the cookies on anyone. Sharing the Gospel is the same way, I have to remember to just offer it, not try to force feed it to someone.
Praying for others
I've caught myself recently, like today, on my high horse trying to tell someone what she should do. I could tell she wasn't receptive before I opened my big mouth, but did that stop me..noo. Even a few minutes into my spill when she was clearly looking annoyed, did that stop me? of course, not. I just kept flapping my jaws until I finally started feeling rather foolish for trying to out talk her ability to ignore me. What would have been the correct, Godly response? Say hey sis, if you wanna chat about what's going on sometime give me a call; I'm here for you and willing to listen. Then, I should have left it alone and went to pray for her and let GOD do what He does best...transform the hearts of people.
Trust God
God has called us not only to disciple and share the Gospel, but also pray for others and for our fellow laborers. No one person was meant to do it all. God is the only one that can do it all. When I step out of my lane and do what I haven't been called to do, I'm telling God that I think I know more than He does. I'm not trusting Him, His process, or His timing.
Today's incident made me think of the prayer of serenity. It's a popular prayer that people quote often, although it's not in the Bible, the original serenity prayer says:
"God grant me the serenity to change the things I can change, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference."
Well, I don't particularly agree with the notion of accepting the things I cannot change. I think when we realize we are incapable of changing something, that's when we should bring it before God, because He specializes in the impossible. So, here's my remixed serenity prayer:
God grant me the serenity to change the things you have commanded me to change, to petition you about the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.
First of all, praise God, I got all my cleaning done. I didn't get finished on Friday night as planned, but I got started Friday night and finished on Saturday. I even got my car detailed; yay, no more french fries between the seats and crumbs everywhere!
Something I've been learning lately, is that trying to change another person is a vain pursuit. The only person I'm capable of changing is me! I think about how much time and breath I've wasted trying to convince people to come in line with the way I think they should act, think and behave. God never called me to change anybody. He did call me to influence people, but that influence is achieved by being a living example, sharing my faith, praying for others, and trusting God to make the change.
Being an example
Hypocrisy is probably the biggest hindrance to being an example. If I'm professing to be a Christian, my life may be the only Bible some people ever see, so if I'm living as a hypocrite that's what I'm discipling them to become. I'm also discrediting the entire faith. Before I ever open my mouth to someone, they should see the fruit and see the consistency of my lifestyle. The Gospel has to be lived to be shared.
Sharing my faith
Doesn't mean arguing with someone on why they should believe and getting hostile with them. It's just like sharing food. If I had some cookies, I'd offer them to others; some people might accept them, some my ask more about them, others may down right turn them down. But there's no case where I force the cookies on anyone. Sharing the Gospel is the same way, I have to remember to just offer it, not try to force feed it to someone.
Praying for others
I've caught myself recently, like today, on my high horse trying to tell someone what she should do. I could tell she wasn't receptive before I opened my big mouth, but did that stop me..noo. Even a few minutes into my spill when she was clearly looking annoyed, did that stop me? of course, not. I just kept flapping my jaws until I finally started feeling rather foolish for trying to out talk her ability to ignore me. What would have been the correct, Godly response? Say hey sis, if you wanna chat about what's going on sometime give me a call; I'm here for you and willing to listen. Then, I should have left it alone and went to pray for her and let GOD do what He does best...transform the hearts of people.
Trust God
God has called us not only to disciple and share the Gospel, but also pray for others and for our fellow laborers. No one person was meant to do it all. God is the only one that can do it all. When I step out of my lane and do what I haven't been called to do, I'm telling God that I think I know more than He does. I'm not trusting Him, His process, or His timing.
Today's incident made me think of the prayer of serenity. It's a popular prayer that people quote often, although it's not in the Bible, the original serenity prayer says:
"God grant me the serenity to change the things I can change, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference."
Well, I don't particularly agree with the notion of accepting the things I cannot change. I think when we realize we are incapable of changing something, that's when we should bring it before God, because He specializes in the impossible. So, here's my remixed serenity prayer:
God grant me the serenity to change the things you have commanded me to change, to petition you about the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
make it count...
This gonna be brief..
It occurred to me today that I waste a lot of time. Sometimes I may be where I'm supposed to be, but I'm not maximizing that experience. Being in the right place is only half the battle; I've also gotta be doing the right thing while I'm there.
Examples:
Going to church, but being mentally preoccupied with something else and not receiving what is being taught.
Going to class, but not paying attention, asking questions, or coming prepared.
Being at work, but not giving it my all and learning all that I can.
Going to the gym, but not pressing through the workout.
Praying, but not leaving the issue in God's hands.
God has commanded us to be good stewards over the resources to which He has entrusted us. Time is the most precious of those because we can't get it back. I challenge myself to be more conscious of my stewardship over my time. If I'm going to invest it in a worthwhile pursuit, then I should make every moment of the experience count instead of just waiting to check another item off the to do list.
It occurred to me today that I waste a lot of time. Sometimes I may be where I'm supposed to be, but I'm not maximizing that experience. Being in the right place is only half the battle; I've also gotta be doing the right thing while I'm there.
Examples:
Going to church, but being mentally preoccupied with something else and not receiving what is being taught.
Going to class, but not paying attention, asking questions, or coming prepared.
Being at work, but not giving it my all and learning all that I can.
Going to the gym, but not pressing through the workout.
Praying, but not leaving the issue in God's hands.
God has commanded us to be good stewards over the resources to which He has entrusted us. Time is the most precious of those because we can't get it back. I challenge myself to be more conscious of my stewardship over my time. If I'm going to invest it in a worthwhile pursuit, then I should make every moment of the experience count instead of just waiting to check another item off the to do list.
Don't Delay; Do It Now!
Confession: I'm a procrastinator. I generally wait until the last possible minute to do something. Whether it's getting up for work, writing a paper, paying a traffic ticket, doing household chores, etc, I can never seem to muster up the motivation to just do it. The fact that this blog entry is a day late is a testament to that. I always start with the best of intentions which quickly go south. It's a bad habit that I'm not proud of, and I know that God is not pleased with it.
I did a search to see what the Bible says about procrastination and here's are a few points I found out:
1) Diligent work creates opportunity for advancement - Proverbs 12:24 "Diligent hands rule, but laziness ends in slave labor."
2) God honors and requires diligence in all of our responsibilities - Colossians 3:23 “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men”
3) Procrastination is rebellion - if I'm sense in my spirit that there is a task I need to do and I ignore that prompting to do it, I'm rebelling. Hebrews 3:15 "Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as you did in the rebellion".
4) Procrastination can disqualify you from receiving what God has promised - Numbers 32:13 "The LORD's anger burned against Israel and he made them wander in the desert forty years, until the whole generation of those who had done evil in his sight was gone."
My usual self-centered reason for procrastinating is because I don't feel like doing something, but feelings should never be a reason, excuse or motivation for anything. Who knows how many opportunities I've disqualified myself for simply because I didn't just do what had to be done when it needed to be done.
I realize that I have conditioned and trained myself to procrastinate for the past 30 years, so re-conditioning is going to take some serious effort and obedience to the voice of God. Like any other goal, without a plan it's just a wish (Waste of Invaluable Seconds and Hours). So, here's the plan:
1) Make order easy - Get organized: as it stands my bedroom and my home office are in a bit of disarray. The arm chair in my bedroom is loaded with clothes that need to be put away and my desk is covered in papers that should be filed or shredded. Let's not even discuss my car, suffice it to say #mess! So, Friday night I'll be cleaning and won't stop til it's done.
2) Plan my work, work my plan: It's not that there aren't enough hours in my day, problem is there's not enough order in my day. I'm great at setting goals and making long-term plans, but managing the day to day needs major work. Step #2: when I get an assignment schedule it IMMEDIATELY. For me that means going back to the old school planner; I've tried the fancy smart phone features. They work great for appointments, but I need to write stuff down.
3) Don't Delay; just do it now: I think it might have been Paul in the Bible who said, "When I heard from the Lord, I did not confer with the flesh." God doesn't just talk to me about the spiritual things, He's also talking to me about everyday things like hanging up my clothes when I take them off, keeping my car tidy, not waiting til the last minute to work on school assignments. He wants to rule and reign in every area of my life, and that requires me being obedient to every direction He gives not just when He says pray or read my Bible. Step #3: handle the little things in life as they arise. Make it a practice to put things where the belong.
I did a search to see what the Bible says about procrastination and here's are a few points I found out:
1) Diligent work creates opportunity for advancement - Proverbs 12:24 "Diligent hands rule, but laziness ends in slave labor."
2) God honors and requires diligence in all of our responsibilities - Colossians 3:23 “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men”
3) Procrastination is rebellion - if I'm sense in my spirit that there is a task I need to do and I ignore that prompting to do it, I'm rebelling. Hebrews 3:15 "Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as you did in the rebellion".
4) Procrastination can disqualify you from receiving what God has promised - Numbers 32:13 "The LORD's anger burned against Israel and he made them wander in the desert forty years, until the whole generation of those who had done evil in his sight was gone."
My usual self-centered reason for procrastinating is because I don't feel like doing something, but feelings should never be a reason, excuse or motivation for anything. Who knows how many opportunities I've disqualified myself for simply because I didn't just do what had to be done when it needed to be done.
I realize that I have conditioned and trained myself to procrastinate for the past 30 years, so re-conditioning is going to take some serious effort and obedience to the voice of God. Like any other goal, without a plan it's just a wish (Waste of Invaluable Seconds and Hours). So, here's the plan:
1) Make order easy - Get organized: as it stands my bedroom and my home office are in a bit of disarray. The arm chair in my bedroom is loaded with clothes that need to be put away and my desk is covered in papers that should be filed or shredded. Let's not even discuss my car, suffice it to say #mess! So, Friday night I'll be cleaning and won't stop til it's done.
2) Plan my work, work my plan: It's not that there aren't enough hours in my day, problem is there's not enough order in my day. I'm great at setting goals and making long-term plans, but managing the day to day needs major work. Step #2: when I get an assignment schedule it IMMEDIATELY. For me that means going back to the old school planner; I've tried the fancy smart phone features. They work great for appointments, but I need to write stuff down.
3) Don't Delay; just do it now: I think it might have been Paul in the Bible who said, "When I heard from the Lord, I did not confer with the flesh." God doesn't just talk to me about the spiritual things, He's also talking to me about everyday things like hanging up my clothes when I take them off, keeping my car tidy, not waiting til the last minute to work on school assignments. He wants to rule and reign in every area of my life, and that requires me being obedient to every direction He gives not just when He says pray or read my Bible. Step #3: handle the little things in life as they arise. Make it a practice to put things where the belong.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
shhhhh...
Today was one of those days.. my plate was running over. I had a million things to do. I had an 8 hour work day followed by 3 hours of class. It felt like all day I was in constant motion, my body couldn't keep up with my mind. There just didn't seem to be a moment to stop and re-group. On the drive home, I was reflecting on the day and thinking about what I could blog about tonight. That's when God whispered to me "shhh..be still." Then the story of Mary and Martha came to mind. Jesus was at their home teaching. Martha was busy preparing food for all the guests, but Mary was so enraptured by the words of Jesus that she left her sister alone to do the preparing while she sat and listened to Jesus. Martha realized this and came out and told Jesus to make Mary come and help her. But Jesus' response was that Mary had chose the better thing.
I was convicted. In all the busyness of my day I hadn't taken time to quiet and still myself before Jesus. Granted I had prayed throughout the day and listened to a sermon in the car. These were things that I did as I multi-tasked, they weren't the focus of my undivided attention. It's so easy to get caught up in the speed and noise of life and neglect to follow Mary's example and make fellowship with God a priority.
With that said, this is a short blog tonight I've got some fellowshipping to do. Good night and God bless!
I was convicted. In all the busyness of my day I hadn't taken time to quiet and still myself before Jesus. Granted I had prayed throughout the day and listened to a sermon in the car. These were things that I did as I multi-tasked, they weren't the focus of my undivided attention. It's so easy to get caught up in the speed and noise of life and neglect to follow Mary's example and make fellowship with God a priority.
With that said, this is a short blog tonight I've got some fellowshipping to do. Good night and God bless!
Monday, February 7, 2011
letting go..
A major challenge I have is letting go and letting God. I have the tendency to be a control freak. I wanna know when, how, where, why, who, etc. Time and time again this has come back to bite me in the hind parts. It shows that my real issue is trusting God.
I have no problem believing in God and believing that Jesus is the son of God and was raised from the dead. I take this as fact. However, despite all the evidence; at times I struggle to believe that God has the ability to handle my situations. I'll tell Him about them, but no sooner that I done telling Him, I go about trying to find a way to solve my problem rather than let God be God.
So, I'm trying to think of practical ways to increase my faith in this area. The first thing that comes to mind is just do it. I've seen what results I'm able to accomplish on my own - none. So, why not give His way a try, truly take my burden to Him and LEAVE it there. Put it out of my mind and let God do His thing. The second thing I can do is reflect on my experiences with Him. Every time I have released a situation to Him and really let go of it, He has been faithful. That doesn't mean it happened immediately, but in due season it worked out for my good. Which brings me to my finally step, be patient. This is probably at the root of my challenge with trusting. I can be terribly impatient. If I call or text someone I want an immediate answer; if I ask a question I want an immediate response. Reality is this is not the way things work. So, in addition to just acting in faith by trusting God with my situations and focusing on His impeccable track record, I have to exercise patience. God knows the best timing to handle the situation and I have to trust that His timing is perfect.
Numbers 23:19 says "God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?" Proverbs 3:5-6 says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not unto your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths." It's time for me to live those scriptures consistently. What better way to acknowledge God in all my ways than to trust Him with all my burdens and issues of life. He's more than capable to solve them and direct my paths.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
it's not about me
Over the last couple days, one of the things that God has been showing me is the need for me to praise and worship Him. As I started listened closely to the lyrics of many of the Christian/gospel songs that I have, I realized that most of them were songs of encouragement. They were songs for me, not songs of praise and worship to God. Although they talked about God's ability and were very uplifting, the edified me rather than simply glorifying God.
The Bible calls us to edify one another and it is a necessary thing, but you must have balance. God wants us to praise and worship Him. My challenge is to be more conscious in praising and worshiping God with the fruit of my lips. I often find myself becoming self-conscious when it comes to praising God vocally. I'm far from a singer, but that is no excuse not to bless God with my words.
Years ago God showed me the scripture Isaiah 54:5, which says "For your Creator will be your husband; the Lord of Heaven's Armies is his name! He is your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel, the God of all the earth." Today I got new revelation on the first part of that scripture, that He will be my husband. As a single 29 year old with the desire to be married, I often imagine the interaction that I will have with my future husband. I sometimes even write letters that I'll give him one day expressing how wonderful of a man he is and how blessed I am to be his wife. And I don't even know who my husband will be at this point. I know God, and He has declared that He will be my husband. We will share that level of intimacy. So, shouldn't I offer Him the same praise (and more) praise that I have for my future husband?
Psalm 22:3 says "Yet You are holy, enthroned on the praises of Israel (your people)." Some translations interchange the words dwell or inhabit for enthroned. So, if God dwells in the praises of His people. And if I want God's presence to surround me, praise is the way to make that happen. Think about it; don't you like hanging out with people that compliment you? God's no different. Praising Him draws you into His presence and being in His presence is an experience like nothing else. I'm setting myself to become a praiser and a worshiper, not for what it can get me, but simply for who He is.
Submitting to the process
This posting is a day late..oops!
Today is day 7 on this journey. I'll be the first to admit there have been challenges this week. My flesh has wanted to do everything: wanted to eat certain foods during a fast, wanted to tell a lie out of convenience, wanted to have sex or masturbate, wanted to say forget this whole thing and go back to the easy life, wanted to ignore the voice of God, and the list goes on. Moral of the story.. the flesh wanted nothing more than to fulfill it's every desire. But GOD, has been sooooooo faithful to strengthen me to press through those fleshly desires. Not to say it was easy. There were times I did the same thing a two year old does when a parent says no, I cried. But like the loving parent He is, God stood firm on His no and at the same time held me and comforted me. He lovingly reminded me this is for my good. At the times when I did disobey (see day 2 post), He convicted, not condemned, me and said, 'ok, you blew that decision, but we've got plenty more to get right, don't turn from me now. Let's just pick up from where you are and move forward and not make that mistake again.'
This morning the scripture that came to mind was the one that says "it's hard for you to kick against the pricks." So after googling it and finding that the scripture is in Act 9:5, where Saul was on the road to Damascus. Here's the text:
Acts 9:3-5
Today is day 7 on this journey. I'll be the first to admit there have been challenges this week. My flesh has wanted to do everything: wanted to eat certain foods during a fast, wanted to tell a lie out of convenience, wanted to have sex or masturbate, wanted to say forget this whole thing and go back to the easy life, wanted to ignore the voice of God, and the list goes on. Moral of the story.. the flesh wanted nothing more than to fulfill it's every desire. But GOD, has been sooooooo faithful to strengthen me to press through those fleshly desires. Not to say it was easy. There were times I did the same thing a two year old does when a parent says no, I cried. But like the loving parent He is, God stood firm on His no and at the same time held me and comforted me. He lovingly reminded me this is for my good. At the times when I did disobey (see day 2 post), He convicted, not condemned, me and said, 'ok, you blew that decision, but we've got plenty more to get right, don't turn from me now. Let's just pick up from where you are and move forward and not make that mistake again.'
This morning the scripture that came to mind was the one that says "it's hard for you to kick against the pricks." So after googling it and finding that the scripture is in Act 9:5, where Saul was on the road to Damascus. Here's the text:
Acts 9:3-5
3And as he journeyed, he came near Damascus: and suddenly there shined round about him a light from heaven:
4And he fell to the earth, and heard a voice saying unto him, Saul, Saul, why persecutest thou me?
5And he said, Who art thou, Lord? And the Lord said, I am Jesus whom thou persecutest: it is hard for thee to kick against the pricks.
6And he trembling and astonished said, Lord, what wilt thou have me to do? And the Lord said unto him, Arise, and go into the city, and it shall be told thee what thou must do.
It seems like that's what God has been saying to me.. "it's hard to kick against the pricks." One of the google search results was from biblequestions.org which explained what that statement means:
Question: What does "kick against the pricks" mean?
Answer: The question is probable referring to Acts 9:5 or 26:14. Saul (later called Paul) had been persecuting Christians (Acts 9: 13,14). Even though Saul had been sincere, Saul was wrong (Acts 23: 1,26:9). Saul was acting according to the law of Moses, but this system had been abrogated (2 Cor. 3). Hence, Saul had no authority for his actions.
A large percentage of people in the first century were tillers of the soil. Oxen were used to work the soil. The prick or goad was a necessary devise. The prick was usually a wooden shaft with a pointed spike (prick) at one end. The man working the ox would position the goad in such a way as to exert influence and control over the ox. You see, if the ox refused the command indicated by the farmer, the goad would be used to jab or prick the ox. Sometimes the ox would refuse this incentive by kicking out at the prick. As result, the prick would be driven deeper into the flesh of the rebellious animal. The more the animal rebelled, the more the animal suffered. Hence, the statement to Saul: "It is hard for thee to kick against the pricks." (Saul was rebelling against God.)
God possesses total authority (see Matt. 28: 18). God therefore, has the right to "boss" man. God has given man commandments to be obeyed (IJohn 5:3). However, man may elect to disobey God (Josh. 24: 15). When man disobeys, however, man pays. "The way of transgressors is hard," wrote Solomon (Prov. 13: 20). God/man is analogous to the farmer/ox situation. When we disobey god, we hurt ourselves. When we continue to disobey and rebel, we are like the ox – driving the prick in deeper and deeper, hurting ourselves in rebelling against authority! Beloved, when will we learn? Jesus is the author of eternal salvation to all who obey him (Heb. 5: 8,9).
I think back to all the times I've heard God calling me (pricking me) out of a lifestyle of hypocrisy and to truly repent (turn away from sin) and follow Him. And each time I refused (kicked against the pricks), the prick was driven that much further in and I only caused myself more pain. I would often give God lip service and and ask for forgiveness and promise not to do it again. But that wasn't what He was asking me for. He was asking for me to allow Him to take FULL control of my life. For me to submit my will to His and let Him completely renew me. I hadn't been willing to commit to that. As a result, I was saved (meaning I believed in and confessed Jesus), but I hadn't been made new. Second Corinthians 5:17 says, "If any man be in Christ, he is a new creature:old things are passed away; behold all things are become new." After years (decades even) of being saved there was nothing new about me because I had not submitted to the process of renewal. Mentally, spiritually and physically I still had the same strongholds, and by age 29, those strongholds had had babies. I was entirely bound and God was relentless at pricking me. And I think I had become so bound that not only was it hard and painful to kick against the pricks, I literally couldn't. I had tried every way possible to avoid taking this journey that I'm now on. God is showing me that 2 Corinthians 5:17 can't be fulfilled until you submit to His process of renewal. You may have fulfilled Romans 10:9: "If you confess with your mouth that "Jesus is Lord" and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved." But salvation is only the beginning. To walk in and enjoy the fullness of that salvation and all that God has for us we must be be made new by Him and through His processing. God intended for our Salvation to be the portal through which we access His kingdom, not just after we die, but while we live.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Are we there yet?
Have you ever taken a long trip in a car to somewhere that you've never been before? If so, then you know how long it seems. In the pre-GPS world, the common question was "are we there yet?" Modern technology has spoiled us and now we always know exactly how far away we are and in some cases if there is traffic ahead and what detour we should take.
We'll today I've been asking God 'am I there yet'? I don't have an ETA and I don't know what road blocks I might come up against on this journey. And I'm going somewhere that I've never been. All that I have to guide me is the spirit of God, which is certainly more than enough. The issue is my microwave mentality. I want this to be done already. I want a quick fix and an easy road.
I can remember so many times on the drive to a destination that I'm so preoccupied with how far away I am that I completely miss the beauty of the journey. Usually on the way back home, when I'm more relaxed I'm able to see things on the route that I had not seen before. The peacefulness of the trees along the road or the majestic grace of a mountain far off in the horizon. These things give so much perspective when you're on the journey and take time to experience them.
I just had an "aha moment". The thing is this journey isn't to some unknown destination. This is the journey home. Home to the life that God has called me to. A life of liberation and peace; a life free from hypocrisy. The path that I had taken before was to an unknown destination that simply became familiar after I visited and resided there for so long. On the way there I didn't realize that the closer I got the more the beauty on the path diminished and and everything around me became colder and darker. Now I'm on the journey back home and now I can see the beauty of all that I had left behind.
On days like today, there's a temptation to be self-loathing and condemn myself for ever leaving this wonderful home in the presence of God. I begin to feel like the prodigal son, who was ashamed to return home and felt undeserving to be restored to his original place in his father's house. To comeback empty handed after leaving home in pursuit of something that failed you or that you lost is a terrible feeling. I've had moments that I'm so overwhelmed with regret that all I can do is cry. I'm so undeserving of God's grace; the love He shows by sustaining me step by step on this journey home is overwhelming. It's incomprehensible that despite how many times I've turned my back on Him and put other things and people before Him; He stood there patiently waiting for me to turn back to Him. And now that I have He's walking the journey every step with me and showing me the beauty of the journey. Grateful doesn't seem to be an adequate term to express what He's done. To accept someone that has rejected you time and time again; to always be ready to reconcile and give them your best..that's true love. That's God and no one else compares.
We'll today I've been asking God 'am I there yet'? I don't have an ETA and I don't know what road blocks I might come up against on this journey. And I'm going somewhere that I've never been. All that I have to guide me is the spirit of God, which is certainly more than enough. The issue is my microwave mentality. I want this to be done already. I want a quick fix and an easy road.
I can remember so many times on the drive to a destination that I'm so preoccupied with how far away I am that I completely miss the beauty of the journey. Usually on the way back home, when I'm more relaxed I'm able to see things on the route that I had not seen before. The peacefulness of the trees along the road or the majestic grace of a mountain far off in the horizon. These things give so much perspective when you're on the journey and take time to experience them.
I just had an "aha moment". The thing is this journey isn't to some unknown destination. This is the journey home. Home to the life that God has called me to. A life of liberation and peace; a life free from hypocrisy. The path that I had taken before was to an unknown destination that simply became familiar after I visited and resided there for so long. On the way there I didn't realize that the closer I got the more the beauty on the path diminished and and everything around me became colder and darker. Now I'm on the journey back home and now I can see the beauty of all that I had left behind.
On days like today, there's a temptation to be self-loathing and condemn myself for ever leaving this wonderful home in the presence of God. I begin to feel like the prodigal son, who was ashamed to return home and felt undeserving to be restored to his original place in his father's house. To comeback empty handed after leaving home in pursuit of something that failed you or that you lost is a terrible feeling. I've had moments that I'm so overwhelmed with regret that all I can do is cry. I'm so undeserving of God's grace; the love He shows by sustaining me step by step on this journey home is overwhelming. It's incomprehensible that despite how many times I've turned my back on Him and put other things and people before Him; He stood there patiently waiting for me to turn back to Him. And now that I have He's walking the journey every step with me and showing me the beauty of the journey. Grateful doesn't seem to be an adequate term to express what He's done. To accept someone that has rejected you time and time again; to always be ready to reconcile and give them your best..that's true love. That's God and no one else compares.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
fighting my biggest battle
Hey there!
I LOVE audiobooks. So, today I downloaded a book called The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz. In the book he discusses four agreements that if made, can allow you to experience peace in the midst of all hell. Here are the agreements:
1) Be impeccable with your word
2) Don't take anything personally
3) Don't make assumptions
4) Always do your best
They seem very simple, but they are so wise. What's remarkable is they have absolutely nothing to do with anyone else. You don't have to get anyone's permission or buy-in to make these agreements. You make them with yourself. Which brings me to my lesson learned for the day: I have to take responsibility for my decisions, choices and actions. At the end of the day it doesn't matter who has done or said what or whether or not I feel justified in my actions. It's about taking responsibility for my response, rather than blaming someone else.
As I look back on current and past relationships, I can think of soooo many times that I've behaved badly and reasoned that I did x because they did or didn't do y. The reality is it doesn't matter what they did or didn't do. I have to live by my convictions or I'm being a hypocrite. If I believe that I should love, respect, and treat others the way I want to be treated, then there's no room for conditions, such as saying as long as they treat me that way too. No that's hypocritical and only creates strife in the relationship. Rather than fighting against them for the treatment I think I deserve, I have to fight the battle within myself to resist the inclination to retaliate, and I must walk in love not hypocrisy.
In the Bible, there's a scripture that says something to the effect of don't try and take the splinter out of your brother's eye, when you have a two-by-four in your own eye. Ice cube said it another way: "you better check ya self before your wreck ya self." And as my pastor has said, "my response is my responsibility."
I LOVE audiobooks. So, today I downloaded a book called The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz. In the book he discusses four agreements that if made, can allow you to experience peace in the midst of all hell. Here are the agreements:
1) Be impeccable with your word
2) Don't take anything personally
3) Don't make assumptions
4) Always do your best
They seem very simple, but they are so wise. What's remarkable is they have absolutely nothing to do with anyone else. You don't have to get anyone's permission or buy-in to make these agreements. You make them with yourself. Which brings me to my lesson learned for the day: I have to take responsibility for my decisions, choices and actions. At the end of the day it doesn't matter who has done or said what or whether or not I feel justified in my actions. It's about taking responsibility for my response, rather than blaming someone else.
As I look back on current and past relationships, I can think of soooo many times that I've behaved badly and reasoned that I did x because they did or didn't do y. The reality is it doesn't matter what they did or didn't do. I have to live by my convictions or I'm being a hypocrite. If I believe that I should love, respect, and treat others the way I want to be treated, then there's no room for conditions, such as saying as long as they treat me that way too. No that's hypocritical and only creates strife in the relationship. Rather than fighting against them for the treatment I think I deserve, I have to fight the battle within myself to resist the inclination to retaliate, and I must walk in love not hypocrisy.
In the Bible, there's a scripture that says something to the effect of don't try and take the splinter out of your brother's eye, when you have a two-by-four in your own eye. Ice cube said it another way: "you better check ya self before your wreck ya self." And as my pastor has said, "my response is my responsibility."
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Day 3...learning to sit tight
It's funny how we, well let me say I, have "favorite" verses in the Bible. It's so easy to love the poetry of the scripture without experiencing the power of it. I've always loved Isaiah 40:28-31: "Have you never heard? Have you never understood? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth. He never grows weak or weary. No one can measure the depths of his understanding. He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless. Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion. But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint."
It's sounds so nice, but honestly I usually fall in the category of weak, tired and falling in exhaustion rather than the trusting and soaring group. Well, today's been a trusting and soaring day. The thing is it didn't feel that way. For most of the day I felt uneasy, but I kept mentally meditating on the Word, which again didn't feel like it was working. Sometime later this evening that heaviness lifted.
So, the lesson I learned today, which is starting to sound repetitive, is don't be moved by how I feel; stay the course and keep trusting God for the breakthrough. What I'm realizing is that the more I trust God, the more grace I find to not faint in the situation. But the key is trusting Him, and not trying to sustain myself.
For me personally, one of the hardest things is to just sit still when I start feeling anxious. I'm often prone to want to call someone to either talk about what I'm dealing with or get it off my mind. I'm sure in some cases we need each other for support and encouragement, but the first call should be to God. Tell Him how you're feeling and listen to His instructions. He may just need you to sit still for a moment and rest in Him or He may have very specific instructions for you and needs your undivided attention, but you miss that opportunity if, like me, your default is to phone a friend.
What was nice about today is that after trusting God in spite of feeling anxious, once the heaviness was lifted He gave me the opportunity to talk to a friend. One of my favorite cousins was in town for work and we got to sit over tea and have a wonderful discussion and encourage one another. But rather than going into the conversation empty and looking for her to fill me, I had already been filled by the presence of God, which allowed me to add value rather than drain the conversation.
It's sounds so nice, but honestly I usually fall in the category of weak, tired and falling in exhaustion rather than the trusting and soaring group. Well, today's been a trusting and soaring day. The thing is it didn't feel that way. For most of the day I felt uneasy, but I kept mentally meditating on the Word, which again didn't feel like it was working. Sometime later this evening that heaviness lifted.
So, the lesson I learned today, which is starting to sound repetitive, is don't be moved by how I feel; stay the course and keep trusting God for the breakthrough. What I'm realizing is that the more I trust God, the more grace I find to not faint in the situation. But the key is trusting Him, and not trying to sustain myself.
For me personally, one of the hardest things is to just sit still when I start feeling anxious. I'm often prone to want to call someone to either talk about what I'm dealing with or get it off my mind. I'm sure in some cases we need each other for support and encouragement, but the first call should be to God. Tell Him how you're feeling and listen to His instructions. He may just need you to sit still for a moment and rest in Him or He may have very specific instructions for you and needs your undivided attention, but you miss that opportunity if, like me, your default is to phone a friend.
What was nice about today is that after trusting God in spite of feeling anxious, once the heaviness was lifted He gave me the opportunity to talk to a friend. One of my favorite cousins was in town for work and we got to sit over tea and have a wonderful discussion and encourage one another. But rather than going into the conversation empty and looking for her to fill me, I had already been filled by the presence of God, which allowed me to add value rather than drain the conversation.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
when sin slips in...
Hi there all...
So, I've decided to initially chronicle this journey daily over the next forty days. I thought about waiting until I'd figured it all out and just blog about the testimony, but that would be a half-truth. If I'm endeavoring to be transparent that means I'm going to share the tests, as well the testimonies.
Today has definitely been a test. It started off pretty good. I got up and prayed. I've been dealing with a cold and I was super exhausted so I took a sick day. I rested a little more and did some reading for school. The other day I set myself to go on a fast; it had been coming up in my spirit for sometime now and I'd do a day or two here and there, but would always end breaking the fast prematurely. Yesterday was the first day and it wasn't too bad. Today, however, my flesh was screaming for food. I did well up until about 5pm. I began to reason with myself. I consciously walked in to a cafe and purchased a bottle of juice and a bag of pretzels. I thought to myself, I know I shouldn't be having this, but I need something. I drank the juice and ate about half the pretzels before tossing them out. All though my body was no longer craving food, I wasn't satisfied. I felt the deprivation in my spirit. I had starved by spirit through disobedience in order to feed my flesh. I felt bad and decided again within myself not to break the fast again. Fast-forward about six hours when I got home from class. Despite my re-commitment to the fast just hours prior, I headed for the fridge and grazed.
As I think about this chain of events, God began speaking to me about several things:
1) needs - you have to be smarter than your body it will try and tell you that what it wants is what you need
2) feelings - there's no use in feeling condemned after you disobey instructions you will always feel convicted before you act. Follow your conviction; don't ignore it and then wallow in condemnation.
3) commitment - be committed to God; really committed. Run to Him and trust Him when your flesh and feelings are overwhelming.
I thought back to Pastor Mike's lesson on the leaven of the pharisees. Leaven is a yeast containing additive that is used to make bread rise. In the Bible Israel was instructed to eat unleavened bread for certain occasions. The thing about yeast is it takes very little yeast to change the consistency of a large batch of dough. Sin is the same way. It only takes a little bit to slip into your life and before you realize it your entire consistency has changed. Today the yeast was a bottle of juice and a handful of pretzel that lead to breaking the fast again. It's not about the food it's about the disobedience. The first act of disobedience opened the door for a second. I became less sensitive to the spirit and more sensitive to the flesh. After breaking the fast it wasn't long before thoughts of calling someone that I know I shouldn't call crept into my mind. Thankfully, I didn't make the call. Sometimes God requires us to focus our communication on Him rather than others. God has to be my first source of comfort, putting anyone else in that spot is the little yeast that can gradually lead me to picking up the phone instead of praying.
God showed me it's this exact pattern of behavior that got me off track to begin with. Satan would love to convince you that 'oh, that's just a "little" sin what's it gonna hurt'. You'll start thinking, 'well, if I just have sex this one time, or just tell this little lie, etc' and before you know it you don't even know how to live righteously anymore. Trust me I know from experience. The devil isn't going to come out with signs and a marching band saying this way to sin; no he's cunning. He's going to try and quietly seduce you into sin a little at a time. Just think about how he got to Eve; he's still using the same old tricks.
Well, that was today. It wasn't perfect, but I learned from it and hopefully by sharing someone can avoid the same mistakes I made.
So, I've decided to initially chronicle this journey daily over the next forty days. I thought about waiting until I'd figured it all out and just blog about the testimony, but that would be a half-truth. If I'm endeavoring to be transparent that means I'm going to share the tests, as well the testimonies.
Today has definitely been a test. It started off pretty good. I got up and prayed. I've been dealing with a cold and I was super exhausted so I took a sick day. I rested a little more and did some reading for school. The other day I set myself to go on a fast; it had been coming up in my spirit for sometime now and I'd do a day or two here and there, but would always end breaking the fast prematurely. Yesterday was the first day and it wasn't too bad. Today, however, my flesh was screaming for food. I did well up until about 5pm. I began to reason with myself. I consciously walked in to a cafe and purchased a bottle of juice and a bag of pretzels. I thought to myself, I know I shouldn't be having this, but I need something. I drank the juice and ate about half the pretzels before tossing them out. All though my body was no longer craving food, I wasn't satisfied. I felt the deprivation in my spirit. I had starved by spirit through disobedience in order to feed my flesh. I felt bad and decided again within myself not to break the fast again. Fast-forward about six hours when I got home from class. Despite my re-commitment to the fast just hours prior, I headed for the fridge and grazed.
As I think about this chain of events, God began speaking to me about several things:
1) needs - you have to be smarter than your body it will try and tell you that what it wants is what you need
2) feelings - there's no use in feeling condemned after you disobey instructions you will always feel convicted before you act. Follow your conviction; don't ignore it and then wallow in condemnation.
3) commitment - be committed to God; really committed. Run to Him and trust Him when your flesh and feelings are overwhelming.
I thought back to Pastor Mike's lesson on the leaven of the pharisees. Leaven is a yeast containing additive that is used to make bread rise. In the Bible Israel was instructed to eat unleavened bread for certain occasions. The thing about yeast is it takes very little yeast to change the consistency of a large batch of dough. Sin is the same way. It only takes a little bit to slip into your life and before you realize it your entire consistency has changed. Today the yeast was a bottle of juice and a handful of pretzel that lead to breaking the fast again. It's not about the food it's about the disobedience. The first act of disobedience opened the door for a second. I became less sensitive to the spirit and more sensitive to the flesh. After breaking the fast it wasn't long before thoughts of calling someone that I know I shouldn't call crept into my mind. Thankfully, I didn't make the call. Sometimes God requires us to focus our communication on Him rather than others. God has to be my first source of comfort, putting anyone else in that spot is the little yeast that can gradually lead me to picking up the phone instead of praying.
God showed me it's this exact pattern of behavior that got me off track to begin with. Satan would love to convince you that 'oh, that's just a "little" sin what's it gonna hurt'. You'll start thinking, 'well, if I just have sex this one time, or just tell this little lie, etc' and before you know it you don't even know how to live righteously anymore. Trust me I know from experience. The devil isn't going to come out with signs and a marching band saying this way to sin; no he's cunning. He's going to try and quietly seduce you into sin a little at a time. Just think about how he got to Eve; he's still using the same old tricks.
Well, that was today. It wasn't perfect, but I learned from it and hopefully by sharing someone can avoid the same mistakes I made.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Grand Opening.....of me
So, this is my first time blogging...
Well, welcome to my blog, "unleavened: rising from hypocrisy to freedom". I hope that something that you read here will inspire you, refresh you, challenge you and most of all free you.
Today was the epitome of a winter day: bitter cold, quiet, still, overcast. Everything about today lined up with the fact that it was January 31 in the DC metro area. There were no contradictions.
That's what this blog is about... no, not winter in DC, but living a life that is free of contradictions. God has been speaking to me for sometime about the inconsistencies in my life, and out of complacency or outright defiance I didn't listen and continued to project one thing and live quite another. This past Friday I was reading a friend's blog and she featured testimonies of two women that had gone through similar situations and overcome. Reading their stories and experiencing their transparency completely arrested my spirit and simultaneously empowered me. It was then that I realized that through my hypocrisy I was rejecting Jesus. By continuing to live unrighteously, but try and also have a "form of godliness", I was basically telling God that Jesus' sacrifice on the cross wasn't enough to cleanse my sins, that there was nothing that could purify me so why try. As long as I could keep my mess to myself and outwardly appear that I've got it together, that would just have to do until God could come up with some better atonement for my sins.
God really got my attention later on Friday night when I went to the singles meeting at my church. My pastor kept mentioning the "leaven of the pharisees," but I had no idea what he was talking about. At the end of his lesson he revealed what it was. In Luke 12:1, Jesus warns, "Beware of the leaven of the Pharisees, which is hypocrisy." It was at that moment that it all made sense. I recommitted to God and I'm embarking on this journey to sift out the "leaven of the Pharisees" from my life.
This blog is part of this journey. The Bible says, "we overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony (Revelations 12:11)." So, I'm taking off all my pretenses and I'm going to open my journey from hypocrisy to freedom up for all of you to travel with me.
Well, welcome to my blog, "unleavened: rising from hypocrisy to freedom". I hope that something that you read here will inspire you, refresh you, challenge you and most of all free you.
Today was the epitome of a winter day: bitter cold, quiet, still, overcast. Everything about today lined up with the fact that it was January 31 in the DC metro area. There were no contradictions.
That's what this blog is about... no, not winter in DC, but living a life that is free of contradictions. God has been speaking to me for sometime about the inconsistencies in my life, and out of complacency or outright defiance I didn't listen and continued to project one thing and live quite another. This past Friday I was reading a friend's blog and she featured testimonies of two women that had gone through similar situations and overcome. Reading their stories and experiencing their transparency completely arrested my spirit and simultaneously empowered me. It was then that I realized that through my hypocrisy I was rejecting Jesus. By continuing to live unrighteously, but try and also have a "form of godliness", I was basically telling God that Jesus' sacrifice on the cross wasn't enough to cleanse my sins, that there was nothing that could purify me so why try. As long as I could keep my mess to myself and outwardly appear that I've got it together, that would just have to do until God could come up with some better atonement for my sins.
God really got my attention later on Friday night when I went to the singles meeting at my church. My pastor kept mentioning the "leaven of the pharisees," but I had no idea what he was talking about. At the end of his lesson he revealed what it was. In Luke 12:1, Jesus warns, "Beware of the leaven of the Pharisees, which is hypocrisy." It was at that moment that it all made sense. I recommitted to God and I'm embarking on this journey to sift out the "leaven of the Pharisees" from my life.
This blog is part of this journey. The Bible says, "we overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony (Revelations 12:11)." So, I'm taking off all my pretenses and I'm going to open my journey from hypocrisy to freedom up for all of you to travel with me.
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